Navigating the emotional toll of
Investigating crimes against children

The Ugly

Underneath

The Ugly Underneath

A retired law enforcement officer examines the cost of doing the work—and what remains long after it ends.

The Ugly Underneath is a reflective, firsthand account of a career spent investigating crimes against children, and the personal toll that work leaves behind. Through lived experience, the book explores compartmentalization, accountability, and the long-term impact of exposure to trauma—on the job and at home.

Publishing March 24, 2026

Testimonials

Absolutely incredible! I laughed, I cried, and I could not put it down. Carlos invites readers into a world few dare to talk about, yet he does so with such honesty and warmth that you connect with him both as a father and a son and a leader. This book is a powerful reminder of how often we box up our emotions—and how healing begins when we learn to unpack them.

Carlos’s vulnerability in sharing the realities of this work is powerful. Too often, those of us in helping professions carry these experiences silently. The Ugly Underneath breaks that silence, reminding us there is nothing wrong with being impacted by the work; it means we care. His stories give both grace and preparation for those walking into this space. This book is a gift to the profession.

The Ugly Underneath is raw, brave, and profoundly human. Carlos Rodriguez writes with the kind of honesty that only comes from walking through both darkness and grace. His story shines a light on the unseen toll of protecting children—and the quiet redemption that comes when compassion refuses to quit. As someone who shares this calling, I see in Carlos a fellow warrior of light whose courage reminds us that love, when lived out, is the truest form of faith.

Carlos offers a rare and deeply personal insight into the career of a Washington State Police officer, detailing his journey from a non-commissioned officer trainee to a specialist investigator in the harrowing field of internet sexual crimes against children. His candid accounts reveal the profound personal impact of exposure to child sexual abuse material (CSAM) and the challenges of investigating these unimaginable crimes. While some of his graphic descriptions may be difficult to read, especially for those unfamiliar with such investigations, this book provides a fascinating and eye-opening read. The personal toll of this work is poignantly captured, making it a compelling read for anyone interested in the realities of law enforcement and child protection.

About the Author

Carlos Rodriguez served nearly three decades in law enforcement, including many years investigating crimes against children. Over the course of his career, he worked in patrol, investigations, and leadership roles, eventually serving with the Missing and Exploited Children Task Force.

While the work was meaningful, it came with a cost—one that often goes unspoken. The Ugly Underneath is Carlos’s effort to unpack the experiences, decisions, and coping mechanisms that allowed him to do the job, while also acknowledging how that work shaped his relationships, health, and life beyond the badge.

Carlos currently serves as an internal investigator for the San Diego Unified School District (SDUSD), leading investigations related to employee misconduct, student safety, and Title IX matters. He also acts as the district’s point of contact for its human trafficking prevention program. Outside of this role, his work centers on advocacy, education, and advancing wellness initiatives for individuals exposed to secondary trauma, including first responders and professionals in high-impact roles.

Supporting Wellness Beyond the Work

Throughout his career, Carlos saw firsthand how prolonged exposure to trauma affects the people tasked with confronting it. Too often, support comes late—or not at all.

Carlos actively supports organizations and initiatives focused on mental health, wellness, and long-term sustainability for first responders and professionals exposed to traumatic material. These efforts center on education, early intervention, and normalizing conversations around cumulative stress and secondary trauma.

This work is an extension of the values behind The Ugly Underneath: acknowledging impact, reducing stigma, and helping people stay healthy while doing difficult work.

Media & Speaking

Carlos is available for select media interviews, panel discussions, and speaking engagements related to:

Secondary traumatic stress and cumulative exposure
Law enforcement wellness and sustainability
Investigating crimes against children
Leadership, accountability, and long-term impact
Supporting families and teams affected by trauma-exposed work

Media inquiries and speaking requests should focus on education, awareness, and responsible discussion of the subject matter.